Surgery Eve

24-hours from right now, I will be going through pre-op procedures at the hospital in Portland, OR. It has been quite a journey to get to this point. This is my second attempt at this, in 2010 I failed to meet the pre-clearance requirements. But letting three years of water flow under the bridge as I tried to make changes in my life to become more healthy and happy with my appearance motivated me to give it a try in 2013.

So here I am. I’m nervous about the idea of re-plumbing my digestive system. I’m anxious about the 0.1% chance that something could go wrong. But mostly I’m hungry… watching football on this fine Sunday doesn’t help, with the pizza ads making me think of this great pizza place in McMinnville, Mikey’s Pizzaria… pictured is 1/2 Blue Buffalo (onion rings) and 1/2 Lumberjack (jo-jo’s)… gastronomic perfection.

Mainly I’m thinking about whether this is going to be the tool for which I’ve been searching for 25 years. In the past I have successfully lost weight. one time up to150 lbs. (pictured). But without the restriction on emotional eating, it would all come back… with friends.

I must learn to eat small… eat healthy in order to accomplish and maintain health and sexiness.

Some say this is a cop out… if only you would push away from the table, if only you would move more… you will accomplish this goal. I feel like a failure in this area, just like I did when I failed to pray the gay away. If you would just have more faith… if you would just pray more… oh and my favorite… God doesn’t give us challenges we can’t handle.

NEWSFLASH… you cannot will yourself straight and some people cannot will themselves thin… at least not for very long. 

See you on the other side.

Saturday 9: If It Makes You Happy

Sheryl Crow is a breast cancer survivor and October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please spread the word about early detection.

Saturday 9: If It Makes You Happy

1. What's something that always makes you happy?
   -- Seeing a client making positive steps to overcome addiction and move their life in a positive direction. .
2. In the lyrics, Sheryl refers to a poncho. How do you usually protect yourself from the rain? Poncho? Umbrella? Raincoat? Hat?
   -- I’m an Oregonian, it has to be raining pretty hard to require anything more than a hoodie.
3. Early in her career, Sheryl made ends meet by singing commercial jingles, including one for McDonald's. When was the last time you visited The Golden Arches?
   -- A trip to Mickey D’s was one of my “last supper” choices last week before gastric bypass surgery. I have been eating healthily long enough that it made me sick. I guess aversion therapy has some merit.
4. Sheryl rode a horse into the ring of a Wyoming rodeo and then sang. Have you ever been to a rodeo?
   -- Yes, many times.
5. Sheryl lives outside of Nashville, which is known as Music City. What type of music do you listen to most often?
   -- I listen to most all types of music, but Classic Rock is the clear winner in the iTunes play count.
6. Crazy Sam (author of this meme) is a massive Sheryl Crow fan, and is sure that the only reason why she and Sheryl aren't best friends is that they haven't met. What famous person do you think could be your BFF?
   -- Neil Patrick Harris… I think we’d have lots of laughs and great conversations.
7. Sheryl and cyclist Lance Armstrong were once engaged. Had they tied the knot, she would have become stepmother to his three children. Are you a step-parent, stepsibling or stepchild?
   -- No
8. Sheryl has performed carols at the National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony in Washington DC. Have you ever visited our nation's capital?
   -- No… but it’s on my Bucket List.
9. Do you consider yourself easy going or do you have a fiery temperament?
   -- Generally, I’m pretty easy going, but I can get a bit emotional. Not in a breaking things and yelling sort of way, but you will know that I’m displeased.

Can You Help a Brother Out?

I have spent much of the day on the phone with people from various aspects of the surgery in Portland on Monday. I had my “last supper” last nights and I am into a liquid only diet for the weekend. One of the aspects I dealt with today was the financial one. I figured it would work itself out, and it will, but I am still under court ordered poverty. That is what I call the hit my paycheck takes each month to keep my ex from descending into the hell she deserves.

I have worked out a payment plan with the doctors/surgeons/anesthesiologists and the hospital that has pleased them, but any relief you my humble reader can offer would be greatly appreciated. Please click the link in the sidebar.

TMI Thursday: Does Size Matter?

DOES SIZE MATTER?

• How big is your TV screen?
• 32”
• How big is your hard drive? Laptop or desktop?
• 300 gb – Laptop
• How big is your home? Is it too big or too small?
• 2 bdrm, 1 bath… 760 sq ft of luxury
• How big is your waistline? Is it too big or too small?
• WAAAAYYY too big… Gastric Bypass surgery on Monday. **Watch this space for progress to DAMN SEXY!
• How big are your pets?
• Cat sized
• How big is your car?
• Subaru Outback sized
• How big are your biceps?
• Not as big as they will be when I’m DAMN SEXY!
• How big is your ego?
• Not as big as it will be when I’m DAMN SEXY!
• Who's currently the biggest ass?
• Boehner, Cantor, Cruz, McConnell… and every congressman who voted NO to fund the government… you choose.
• Who's currently the biggest loser?
• Members of congress who are so tone-deaf to the issues that matter to real Americans.
• How big is your bank account?
• I’m a State employed social worker… I play the lottery for investment purposes.
  

BONUS

You knew it was coming…

• How big is your sexual organ and is it big enough?
• It does the job … I’ve had no complaints
• How do you like your partner to be sized?
• Big enough to rock my world.  
• Can it be too big/small?
• Too small? Absolutely! Too big? I haven’t found that one yet.
• Does size really matter?
• Absolutely

T-Minus… One Week

One week from tonight, if everything goes according to schedule I will be in recovery from Gastric Bypass surgery.

In preparation for the big day, I was instructed to stop taking vitamins today and I need to stop the intake of caffeine sometime this week. I began tapering off today. I only had one 16 oz. mug of coffee with pumpkin spice creamer this morning. I expected a low grade dull headache… and I wasn’t disappointed. It is my plan to drink just one mug of coffee, instead of approximately 36 oz. per day by Friday. I’m told it will be months before I can have caffeine again (if ever). Some of the folks on the online support group said they started working coffee back in at about 2 months. In case you’re wondering why I have to stop caffeine, it dehydrates. Plus, my post-op stomach will hold approximately 2 oz. and filling it with coffee will make the race to avoid dehydration a bigger challenge.

Also on the calendar this week, going liquid. Beginning Friday morning, my diet must be totally liquid… water, protein drinks, Jell-O, milk and broth. The last time I will eat solid food with reckless abandon will be Thursday night.

I am anxious about having major, life altering surgery in six days. But I’m more anxious about being able to make it work. Oh… and NOT dying. That would be good.

Sunday Stealing: Random Randomness Pt. III

Previously on Rejected Reality … Part I … Part II

1. What room are you in?
   -- Living Room
2. Can you solve a Rubik’s cube?
   -- …with a hammer! .
3. Are you psychic in any way?
   -- Psychics are just good at reading human behavior… yes.
4. What star sign are you?
   -- Cancer
5. What's your favorite color?
   -- Blue
6. What's your lucky number?
   -- 42
7. Do you have any chores that should be done now?
   -- Not that I’m aware of, I’m waiting for Youngest to wake up so I can make breakfast. Sunday mornings are for pancakes.
8. Did you have a cherished childhood teddy bear or other toy?
   -- I had a Mr. Peanut doll (like the one pictured)
9. What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine?
   -- a bottle of Dasani.
10. What shoe size are you?
    -- 12.5
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
    -- 5
12. If you were prime minister/ruler of the world what laws would you make?
    --
13. If you were a super hero what powers would you have?
    -- The power to rectify wrongs for those who are powerless against the powerful.
14. and what would your hero name be?
    -- Mysterious Ways
15. and what outfit would you wear?
    -- I would be like The Lone Ranger. Wrongs would be righted; the recipients would be left wondering how it happened. Someone would say “something's just work out in mysterious ways”.
16. What was your last dream about?
    -- I generally don’t remember my dreams.
17. What would you do if you won the lottery?
    -- Start a foundation to fund social justice organizations, travel, do the work I want to do but can’t because of financial obligations to my children.
18. Would you like to build/design your own house?
    -- My dream home already exists.
19. Which form of public transport do you prefer?
    -- Light Rail
20. Can you juggle?
    -- Um… No

 

Saturday 9: Come to my Window

Melissa Etheridge is a breast cancer survivor and October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please spread the word about early detection.

1. This song is about a woman passionate about love and willing to pursue it, no matter what "they say." Are you fearless when it comes to public opinion? Or do you worry about what "they" think of you?
   -- Sadly, what other people say/think matters a lot to me. I’m trying to overcome that failing, but I believe I’m required to be honest in these things… it’s in the constitution… just ask Ted Cruz. He has met people who have actually read it… and that counts.
2. Melissa's father was a high school teacher. Tell us about a teacher who had an impact on you.
   -- A number of teachers had an impact on my life in various ways, but the teacher whom I credit for turning my life around and setting me on an unquenchable quest for knowledge is Mrs. Livingston. She showed me how to love literature, how to look at the world around me and ask “why?”, and how to think critically of the information offered.
3. Melissa won a Grammy for this song. If you won a major award, where would you display it?
   -- I’d put it on top of my file cabinet at work for people to see.
4. Which TV game show do you think you'd do better on -- The Price Is Right or Wheel of Fortune?
   -- Choosing between those two… Wheel of Fortune. Although, I would MUCH rather meet Drew Carey. I’m just bad at guessing the value of name brand products because I almost ALWAYS buy the store brand.
5. Are you neat and organized?
   -- VERY… don’t judge!
6. When was the last time you went more than a day without washing your hair?
   -- If I’m not planning on going out, I’ll skip a shower. But if I have to run to the store, I’ll jump in the shower. I REFUSE to be one of those peopleofwalmart people.
7. When you eat Chinese food, do you use chopsticks or a fork?
   -- Chopsticks
8. Are you a good cook?
   -- so the critics have said.
9. We're having a party in your honor! Would you prefer a costume party, a bowling party or a pool party?
   -- Bowling… its one of those things that is really fun, but you don’t do often enough so when your group does it, someone says “why don’t we do this more often?”.

TMI Thursday: Randomness

Sean at Just a Jeep Guy started it, now all the cool kids are doing it

RANDOMNESS

• Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
• I could… but the opportunity seems to pop up from time to time. But I’m more likely to smoke a cigar.
• Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused?
• Single/disillusioned
• What if I told you that you were handsome/pretty?
• I would say thank-you, but believe that you are only being nice.
• Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?
• Yes, it’s a bullshit line.
• Are you interested in anyone right now?
• Nope
• What are you looking forward to in the next week?
• Counting down the days until I have life-changing surgery. Making sure I can tie up as many loose ends at work as possible.
• Do you want to be single/married/in a relationship?
• I would love to be in a relationship that leads to marriage. But I’m tired of trying. Currently, I am not actively looking; I deleted all dating profiles and apps (like growlr) from my phone. The only one still active is the Plenty of Fish account… just keeping one line in the water.
• Have you pretended to like someone?
• I’m told I wear my feelings on my face. If I don’t like a situation, you will know… unless you’re clueless.
• Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?
• Yes
  

BONUS

• Are you better at giving oral sex or receiving oral sex??
• I’m told I’m pretty good at giving. My #1 goal is to give pleasure to my partner. If he is left uttering a breathless “wow” …I’ve done my job.

Sunday Stealing: Random Randomness, Pt. II

Part 1 can be found HERE.

1. What was your first alcoholic drink? – Stolen sips of my dad’s beer
2. What was your first job? – Washing dishes at a buffet-style restaurant.
3. What was your first car? – 1964 AMC Rambler Classic. I’d love to find one to restore someday. That was a SOLID car.
4. What was your first mobile phone? – a basic cell phone with Sprint in 1999.
5. What is your first proper memory? – Going to daycare when my family lived in Salem, OR. Based on my memories of the house we lived in then, I was younger than four.
6. Who was your first teacher? – My kindergarten teacher in Salem was Mrs. Stratton.
7. Which fictional character do you wish was real? – Ironman
8. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? – My wife (at the time) and I flew from Seattle to Boise to go to her grandmother’s funeral.
9. Who was your first best friend? – a boy named Kevin who lived “next door” when I was a kid. In Eastern Oregon, “next door” means, across a field.
10. What was your first detention for? – I don’t remember.
11. What's your strongest sense? – my Bullshit detector.
12. Who was your first kiss? – My ex-wife
13. What was the first film you remember seeing at the cinema? – Star Wars, Ep. IV
14. What's the largest amount of money you've ever won? – $1200 from an exceptionally lucky night on the slots at the local casino.
15. What's the largest amount of money you've spent in one spree? – $500, I was able to get my kids things they actually wanted for Christmas one year… because of that lucky night at the casino.
16. If you had a warning label, what would yours say? – WARNING: Doesn’t tolerate dishonesty or ignorance well.
17. Have you ever got sweet revenge on anyone? – Living well is the best revenge. I personally am counting on KARMA to take care of things.
18. Have you ever been to a live concert? – Yes, both big stadium rock spectaculars and small intimate venues. Honestly, I prefer a local band or artists in a coffeeshop.
19. Have you ever been to see stand up comedy? – Same as the previous answer… I’ve seen Bill Cosby, Louis CK and Jeff Dunham…. but small time comedians who do the circuit of clubs in Indian Casinos and other small time clubs can be just as hilarious. I really want to see Ron White and Larry The Cable Guy someday.
20. Have you ever needed stitches? – Yes… I was in a car accident in 2005 where I needed to have my right ear re-attached. (I've got pictures if you want to see them). And, as mentioned elsewhere in this blog… I am having surgery on 10/28.

Saturday 9: Hopelessly Devoted to You

Olivia Newton-John is a breast cancer survivor and October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please spread the word about early detection.

1. This is a sad song about unrequited love. What's your favorite love song, and is it happy or sad?
   -- The song that springs to mind is Taylor Swift’s, You Belong With Me. I’m sure if I had someone special in my life, it would be a happy song, but alas it is not.
2. This song is from the Grease soundtrack. When that movie came out in 1978, the price of a postage stamp was just 15¢. When's the last time you visited the post office?
   -- I had to go to the post office just last week. I have one bill that doesn’t have an option to pay electronically. So I write one of my two paper checks each month and mail this payment. So I had to swing by the post office to buy some stamps. The design I chose is at right.
3. Not many people know that Olivia's maternal grandfather, Max Born, won the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1954. Share something about yourself that we might not have known before this morning.
   -- I was once investigated by the Secret Service.
4. Olivia's father was an officer in MI5, the UK's secret service. Sam's most recent run-in with the authorities had less intrigue or glamor, as it included a policeman pointing out the stop sign she'd somehow missed. Tell us about your most recent encounter with law enforcement.
   -- I frequently work with law enforcement as part of my job. The last time I had “unwanted” law enforcement attention was in November 2009 when the officer also kindly pointed out that I had missed a stop sign.
5. Olivia is part owner of an exclusive, luxury retreat called Gaia. If you had a day of free access to a heated pool, golf course, tennis court, gym, and day spa, but could only use one, which one would you choose?
   -- The Day Spa
6. Are you flirtatious?
   -- If I am, I’m not very good at it.
7. Do you more often wear silver, gold, or platinum?
   -- None of the above. The only jewelry I wear occasionally is a titanium ring.
8. When you're on the phone, do you usually make the first move toward ending the call? Or do you find it hard to say goodbye?
   -- I usually make the first move to disconnect. “Allrighty then, I need to go”. If that doesn’t work then, “Ok I need to go use the bathroom”. That usually works.
9. Would you rather be smarter, richer, or more attractive than you are right now?
   -- Smarter… the other ones would fall into place after that.

Coming Out Day 2013

Just in case you didn’t know… I’m gay.

I came out of the closet five years ago next month. There wasn’t much keeping the closet door shut in 2008, other than my own denial. There have been a number of casualties in the wake of my decision, but there have been many more victories. I regret the deception I felt I had to live and I regret the pain I have caused those I love. The fear of the pain and the deception is brought on by the bigotry that runs rampant in some communities and in many families. Just like me in the late-80’s, so many kids would rather live a lie than live the truth.

As I mentioned, there have been wins and losses over the past five years. Many of those losses were brought on by a vengeful ex-spouse who has hurled hate, revenge and spite at me whenever she has had a chance. I have four children, I didn’t get to tell them on my terms, she she took it upon herself to tell the kids their dad was gay; I guess was an effort to drive a wedge between me and them (Hell, she told anyone she could find). So far, she has been successful with one of my daughters. I hope that she will one day overcome the anger her mother placed in her heart and will forgive me for living a lie.

I am fortunate that my other children are more enlightened and have noticed that I no longer struggle with anger as I did when I was married and I no longer take anti-depressants. I guess Bill Shakespeare  was right… to thine own self be true.

TMI Thursday:

Sean at Just a Jeep Guy started it, now all the cool kids are doing it

MUSIC MAKES THE PEOPLE COME TOGETHER

• How often and where do you listen to music?
  • I listen to music all the time. I use Spotify at home and I have an iPod dock on my desk at work. In the car, I mostly listen to NPR, but when that gets depressing I listen to the local Classic Rock station.
• When was the last time you bought music in CD format?
  • I bought Justin Timberlake’s 20/20 Project Vol. 1 in CD format… well, it came along with an appropriate purchase at one of those clothing stores my teenage daughters drag me into. I bought the clothes… I got to keep the CD.
• Do you buy complete albums or just a song at a time? Is this different now because of iTunes?
  • It depends. When I’m looking for a specific song I heard on Spotify or on the radio I’ll listen to other songs on the album to see if I like what I hear. The last album I bought on iTunes was The Heist by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.
• From who do you purchase your digital music?
  • Generally iTunes.
• Do you listen to satellite or internet radio? How about Podcasts?
  • I subscribe to a couple podcasts, my favorite right now is the Shredz Workout Mix. It’s an hour of high-energy workout music, mixing modern and more familiar tunes. I use Spotify on my home computer. I’ve listened to Pandora and Slacker a couple times, but I don’t want to burn data if I can avoid it.
• What are your favorite kinds of music?
  • I'm eclectic. My foundational music is classic rock from the 70’s and 80’s. I have a couple modern bands I enjoy and I’ve been known to bust out some Snoop Dogg along with Reba McEntire.
• Today's music_____!
  • … is mostly crap, but there is a diamond in the pile from time to time.
• What music is you guilty pleasure?
  • I listen to what I like… to me it’s all a guilty pleasure.
• Have you heard a song recently that reminds you of someone?
  • A couple months ago I took my daughters to the Daddy-Daughter Dance. We had a great time until…. they played Butterfly Kisses. Daughter #1 just turned 18… the tears were flowing for both of us. She says, I remember when I was little and you used to sing that song.
    

BONUS

• Do you play music to set the mood?
  • I’m always in the mood.
• Once it's set, what do you play to keep the action moving?
  • The music in the background of the porno is usually good to seal the deal.

Prohibition

I had a phone consult with my surgeon this morning. I knew that there would be a number of drastic changes coming my way once my digestive system was re-plumbed, but I learned this morning that the prohibitions of food and drink will happen sooner that I thought.

My Roux-En-Y Gastric Bypass surgery will take place on Monday, October 28th, but I will need to begin a total liquid diet on Friday, October 25th, ceasing all intake of said liquids at midnight Sunday. I’m not sure yet about how I feel about knowing that the last time I will eat something solid with reckless abandon is less than three weeks away.

Also, I have two weeks of coffee left. I learned that I must cease caffeine intake before I start the liquid diet. I can resume, albeit in much smaller quantities 6-weeks post-op. But that may be difficult because drinking water, one ounce at a time will be my new full time job. I purchased a small glass with ounces marked on the outside. I figured it will be handy when I can start ‘eating’ smooth soups during weeks three and four post-op. 

I have in the past demonstrated that I can commit to healthy eating and exercise in short bursts, adding in the restriction of a smaller stomach will serve as a kind of safety net to keep me from sabotaging the work I do in the gym. So many people call this surgery a “tool” and that is how I choose to see this process. It will aid in my transition to a healthy lifestyle. I am committed to a moment of inconvenience as I transform to the healthy, more active individual trapped inside.

Ch-Ch-Changes

Three weeks from tonight I’ll be in Portland, it will be the night before I have surgery to rearrange my digestive system and change the way I live my life.

On September 17th, I learned that I had successfully cleared the insurance requirements in order to schedule the surgery. Since then I have moved between feelings of excitement for the new chapter my life is about to write, and fear. The fear is normal, I think. I fear the idea of surgery, general anesthesia and being alone when I get home… oh yeah, and death.

A new fear joined that list recently, allow me to explain.

It’s quite obvious that no one finds me sexual appealing, because I certainly don’t. At least not enough to move into something more than the rare rendezvous. Recently I deleted my Growlr profile because I was tired of being rejected and insulted by guys looking for a hook up. So, part of my motivation for this drastic turn my life will take in three weeks is to change my appearance, and hopefully how I feel about myself. In the end, improving my ability to attract a mate.

Yes, I am doing this for my health and for longevity… but if I’m honest with myself (and you dear reader) I’m also doing it for self-esteem and for a partner.

After all… a number of my 100 Reasons are to be a sexy beast.

TMI Thursday: How do you like…

Sean at Just a Jeep Guy started it, now all the cool kids are doing it

How do you like_____?

• Your coffee?
• If I have GOOD coffee (i.e. Starbucks, Stumptown, etc.) I like it black. If I have general coffee (SBC or Millstone) then I use Hazelnut creamer.
• Your sandwich cut? In half, square or diagonal? Crust or no crust?
• Diagonally
• Your tea?
• Iced – Lipton, Hot – Earl Grey
• Your alcoholic beverages?
• Good Microbrews or Gin & Tonic
• Your ice-cream served: cup, cone, soft or hard?
• I like the occasional soft-serve, but my favorite is Tillamook Chocolate-Peanut Butter… in a dish, or a cone… on in a box with a fox.
• Your hair–long or short? Up or down? Straight or curly? Permed or natural?
• I like keeping it short, if I go beyond 6-weeks between haircuts, it feels uncontrollable.
• Your cell phone?
• Android – Motorola Razr HD
• Your computer?
• Laptop – Dell Studio
• Your web browser?
• Confession time… I use MSIE 9 and don’t find the issues that people generally joke about. I use Chrome at work because our computers operate on Windows XP.
• Your car?
• I currently drive a ‘99 Subaru Outback.

BONUS

• Sex Position? How often? Mild or wild? One or more?
• Bottom
• Not nearly often enough
• I’m open to new experiences as long as everyone is having fun