Sunday, October 6, 2013


IMG_20130914_123039_948-1Three weeks from tonight I’ll be in Portland, it will be the night before I have surgery to rearrange my digestive system and change the way I live my life.

On September 17th, I learned that I had successfully cleared the insurance requirements in order to schedule the surgery. Since then I have moved between feelings of excitement for the new chapter my life is about to write, and fear. The fear is normal, I think. I fear the idea of surgery, general anesthesia and being alone when I get home… oh yeah, and death.

A new fear joined that list recently, allow me to explain.

It’s quite obvious that no one finds me sexual appealing, because I certainly don’t. At least not enough to move into something more than the rare rendezvous. Recently I deleted my Growlr profile because I was tired of being rejected and insulted by guys looking for a hook up. So, part of my motivation for this drastic turn my life will take in three weeks is to change my appearance, and hopefully how I feel about myself. In the end, improving my ability to attract a mate.

Yes, I am doing this for my health and for longevity… but if I’m honest with myself (and you dear reader) I’m also doing it for self-esteem and for a partner.

After all… a number of my 100 Reasons are to be a sexy beast.


  1. I'll help in any way I can. Trust me, don't get caught up in beauty culture, it won't matter how fuckin' skinny you are. You did the right thing getting off Growlr. That shows your self-esteem has already improved lol

  2. Best of luck with the surgery! If I lived closer, I'd certainly help you out during your post-operative recovery.

  3. Don't sweat the general anaethesia- more likely than not it'll be a hypnotic and a paralytic.

    And the surgery itself will probably be laporoscopic since the impact to healing is much reduced with 3 small incisions as opposed to one huge one.

    Best of luck. And remember, some of us like our big guys.

    1. Yes, the surgery will be laparoscopic and I know three people personally who have had the procedure; my anxiety stems from the unknown factor.