On September 17th, I learned that I had successfully cleared the insurance requirements in order to schedule the surgery. Since then I have moved between feelings of excitement for the new chapter my life is about to write, and fear. The fear is normal, I think. I fear the idea of surgery, general anesthesia and being alone when I get home… oh yeah, and death.
A new fear joined that list recently, allow me to explain.
It’s quite obvious that no one finds me sexual appealing, because I certainly don’t. At least not enough to move into something more than the rare rendezvous. Recently I deleted my Growlr profile because I was tired of being rejected and insulted by guys looking for a hook up. So, part of my motivation for this drastic turn my life will take in three weeks is to change my appearance, and hopefully how I feel about myself. In the end, improving my ability to attract a mate.
Yes, I am doing this for my health and for longevity… but if I’m honest with myself (and you dear reader) I’m also doing it for self-esteem and for a partner.
After all… a number of my 100 Reasons are to be a sexy beast.