Saturday, November 22, 2014
I promised myself I wouldn’t make the mistakes of the past, something that I have felt has sabotaged other attempts at a relationship. Mistake #1… he moved in really soon. We joked that he was a hook-up that never left. There were red flags and I was honest when they would come up. The biggest ones were a lovely combination of self-pity and paranoia/jealousy. As my regular readers and people who know me in the real world, I enjoy people watching… especially guys who look like Chris Pratt. The paranoia/jealousy would rear its ugly head whenever he felt I was looking at a guy. He made me explain how I knew everyone on my friends list on Facebook. He made a fool of himself by responding to a text I received from a friend stating that he (the friend) was to stop contacting me because I was taken. He had no concept of the idea that two gay men could be friends without it turning into an orgy. He would get pissy at the pub when I would look at people. Granted, occasionally I would see someone who caught my eye… but mostly it was someone I knew from the community. I have lived here nine of the last 12 years.
We were together for three months, confrontations got better. But mostly I just got better at masking my wandering eye. By the way… let the record show that I never cheated on him. Never gave him any reason to believe I would… but there it was paranoia/jealousy.
The final straw was that none of my kids liked him. They saw him as a perpetual victim who judged them for their thoughts and feelings as well. My oldest daughter, who lives here too, spent a lot of time at friends house because she just couldn’t deal with him. She wanted to tell him how it was… but she didn’t for the sake of family harmony. The big one was when word came to me that he had flipped off my son’s girlfriend. He didn’t know it was her (which actually makes matters worse), but who does that? Flips off a teenaged girl on a residential street in a small town?
The hard part is that he still lives here.. I’ve told him he needed to be out by December 1st, but he played my soft heart and the holiday season. God, I hope this doesn’t last long. I’m being very forthright with my intentions. I fear the emotional manipulation will get thick.
Once I get his ass out of my house… it will be a LONG time before I step in the relationship pile of shit again.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Shortly after that last post, I was offered a promotion to a supervisory position at work. It has been quite a learning curve and there have been many challenges. I was talking to a colleague on Friday; she said that she has been impressed by how determined I have been to be successful in this position. Mainly I just want to prove to myself, and my mentor that I was the right choice for the job. I've always believed that the more frightening the prospect, the more worthy the accomplishment.
The new position is stationed in a town 30 miles from where I had been living the past three years. I spent a little over a month commuting, before moving in August. I enjoy being back in Pendleton. There is much more to life here... good music, good beer... good people.
Two weeks after I moved, I met a guy. We hit it off right away and have had a lot of fun. It's been three months, but there are things that make me doubt the prospects of the relationship lasting into the new year. That's all I'm going to say about it right now...
My weightloss journey has stalled... I haven't been to the gym for three months (one of the "issues" I alluded to in the previous paragraph has prevented it). The good news is that I haven't gained back anything significant. Calling it a stall is appropriate. On a positive note, October 28th was the one year surgi-versary. I can still say that I weigh 127 lbs less than I did one year ago.
If you're still reading this... thank you.
Stand by... there should be more to say soon.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
It is PRIDE weekend in Portland… I’m missing it this year. But my heart is there in spirit.
HAPPY PRIDE 2014!
* My first pride was Portland 2012. I had this idea that PRIDE would be an assembly of gays celebrating who we are in a world that wants us to sit down and shut up. What I found was that there is as much judgment and hate amongst the gays as there is in the world at large. I had my fill of that when I was closeted, I didn’t go through the pain and loss of coming out just to be hated on by members of the gay community. Some very good friends took me to my first pride, they were my guides on what to see and how to find your own groove in a very diverse community.. and how to spot and avoid the mean girls.
2. What did that first Pride mean to you?
* Living in a rural area I had only seen PRIDE parades and festivals on the TV machine. Which meant I had a notion that it was a bit more fabulous and over the top than it actually was. I was surprised that the parade had more church/faith groups than bars, dykes on bikes or floats. That part still resonates with me, how much certain brands of the faith community are so willing to show their acceptance and understanding of the pain the church has inflicted, they will miss their own Sunday morning services to walk in a PRIDE parade.
3. How many different Prides have you been to?
* Two – Portland and TriCities, WA. Since I’m not able to go to Portland Pride this year, I’ll be hitting Mid-Columbia Pride next month.
4. Do you fly the Pride Flag and/or stick it to anything?
* I have a Bear Pride window cling on the Subie and I have a full-sized Bear Pride flag, but since I live in an apartment, there’s really no place to hang it other than in my window.
5. Do you still celebrate Pride? What does it mean to you now?
“Be who you are and say what you feel, those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter” –Dr. Seuss.
6. Does Pride need improving? If so, what changes would you make?
* I haven’t thought of it. My next tattoo, or something like it --->
7. How do you give back?
* I talk to others who are still closeted, giving them an ear, offering some advice from someone who’s been there. I also have done volunteer work for a non-profit assisting those living with HIV and educating others so they practice safer sex.
What kind of trouble or embarrassing moment have you had during Pride?
* Nothing to debaucherous… yet.
I did fall into the trap of spending too much money on the sexy stripper boys at Silverado. It’s fun in the moment, but filled with regret later because I could have used that $$ for something useful. But.. .in the moment… it’s hella FUN! (This boy is a bit too skinny but his muscles felt nice… and he let me wrap a unit of paper currency around his rather ample cock.)
**Check out Sean the author of TMI Questions and check out some of the other participants (in sidebar)
Friday, June 6, 2014
It has been five years since I began to live the Shakespearian mantra, “To thine own self be true”. It’s not always easy; sometimes you start to think it would be easy to be just as others expect you to be. Life is better today than it was then, and it will continue to get better. Be who you are… be true to yourself… and, as a show of PRIDE… be there for someone who is struggling to ‘be true’.
After last years lack luster participation in the PRIDE CHALLENGE, I thought I would give it a rest this year, but with all that has happened since then, I am throwing it out there again. Please take the picture above and post it on your blog, Facebook, Instagram, or any other social media and link it to me or message me, so I can recognize those who participate. We have had a huge movement in the last 12 months in favor of equal rights and marriage equality across the country and this picture I took years ago, I think, brings it all together. We have Pride, and we are Americans and we can live together as a country. Regardless of religious beliefs, we all know people that we love who may not like the LGBT lifestyle, but love their family who may be a part of our community. So many things have happened in so many states and courts in the past year, we need to really celebrate this June's Pride Month. If you post the picture or see it somewhere, please let me know and I will link it to this post as it will be at the top of my blog for the month of June. When I first did this many years ago, I had over 100 people post the picture. This year, please help me make it 1000. Whether it be Facebook or some other social media... let me know so I can recognize and add to the list on a daily basis with a link or without a link.... Show me who is supporting this massive movement across the country this year... speak out and I will link to you and also, if you have your own Pride Picture, I will post it, just send it to me. 2014 is our year... let's make it a great one!!! Thank you for your support over the years!!! We are getting there....
Those who have posted and shown support (so far)t:
1: Mrs. Richardson on her Facebook, Pintrest and Twitter-Thank You!!
2: Mac at Yummy of the Day
3: Anne Marie in Philly (hugs my dear) at From My Brain to My Mouth
4: Jay in Virginia
5: Nicheva on blog and tumbler
6: Sean at Idle Eyes (smooches my friend)
7: Java at My Life or Something Like It
8: Helen over at Eclectic Potted Histories
9: The Cajun
10: Robert at Welcome to the Middle Ages
11: Buddy Bear (grrrrr)
12: Sean over at Sean the Jeep Guy (also posted on his other websites and social media... Smooches)
13: Mark Harshbarger on his Facebook page and over at his blog
14: Urspo at Spo-Reflections
15: Erick Rubright at Gambrinous with Griffonage
16: Upton King
Monday, May 26, 2014
Here we are again, the post that shares more about my personal life and/or habits than you may want to know. Sean at Just a Jeep Guy started it, now all the cool kids are doing it.
Pull on your BIG GIRL panties and buckle in…
MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND
- I have absolutely NO plans this weekend… such is the glamorous life of a single gay man in rural Eastern Oregon.
2. What is your most and least favorite thing about summer?
- The list of favorite things is lengthy… warmth, long days, tanned skin, exposed skin, travelling… not being cold. If I had to choose a least favorite thing… BUGS.
3. What do you think of when I say "Bar-B-Que?"
- Outdoors, friends, food, beer
- Fresh fruits and veggies at the farmers market. Seasonal salads made with those items. BBQ food with friends on a summers evening. It all just tastes better on a deck over the river as the sun sets.
5. Are you is swim suit shape yet?
- I’m MUCH better than I was last summer… but maybe not all the way there yet. Some may still run screaming from the pool, shielding the eyes of their children.
6. Given the choice, which do you prefer: ocean, lake or pool?
- I’ve seen Captain America and X-Men so far. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes comes out July 11th, Jupiter Ascending on July 25th and Guardians of the Galaxy on August 1st.
8. Summer reading: What? Recommendations?
- I am so backlogged on my reading, I wouldn’t know where to start.
9. Vacation Plans? If you can't, what would you do if you could?
- I’m spending a 4-day weekend in Boise in June for the Boise Music Festival, In July, some friends and I are in the early stages of planning a trip to Vegas for a Bear gathering and a camping trip in August.
- It was a threat when I was a screw-up in Middle School. Fortunately, I never had to go.
Sex on the beach?
- One day, I’m going to find the right man and fulfill that fantasy. I love the Oregon Coast, I refer to it as my happy place. When I’m there, listening to the waves, breathing the air… nothing is wrong in the world. One day, I will have the man of my dreams to share that experience with as we build a fire on the beach, snuggle under a blanket, watch the sunset… and get freaky.