Sunday, December 7, 2014

Rolling Along

My ill-advised relationship came to a sputtering end this past week as he packed his stuff out of my house and headed back to California. The last week had him sleeping on my couch, moping around the house and heaving heavy sighs. On several occasions he proclaimed that he didn’t understand what went wrong. I would restate my position… using small words. He would heap the passive aggressive martyrdom on the Facebook minions. Many of my friends had ‘friended’ him in a sign of support for our relationship wondered if he was really sleeping on a bench in the park as he insinuated. He was a very interesting fellow… if you didn’t dig too deep. The day he left, we hugged and I wished him luck. He maintained that we would stay in touch… and then he blocked me.


Good Riddance!

The sad part is that the whole reason I sought out this transfer was to be in the same town as my son as he went through his senior year and one of the MAJOR reason I finally grew a set and ended it was when I learned that he had flipped off my son’s girlfriend as she walked past my house. Not only was it bad that a grown assed man flipped off a 16 year old girl that he didn’t know, but he denied it even happened… because there are just scores of 6’5” black men living in this town that just happened to be smoking a cigarette outside my house as she walked by. OMG JT

As I posted before, he was jealous, immature and paranoid. Anytime I spoke to, or even looked at another guy I was peppered with 20 questions with the insinuation that I was having sex with the individual. Initially, I would explain exactly how I knew the individual and say how ridiculous it was to think I was sexually involved or even attracted to them. Instead of accepting my explanation he accused me of lying.. which makes me irritated.

Honestly, he wasn’t my “type” in any way… except the sex. Damn… that was good!

For the foreseeable future… no relationship, no hookups. I’m going to focus on ME, my KIDS and my JOB. On balance 2014 has been a good year. My Joy Jar is full and I’m looking forward to opening it up on 01/01/15… stay tuned.


Saturday, November 22, 2014

He’s Single Again

1935957dIn August, shortly after I moved back to Pendleton for my sons' senior year and to take on a new assignment at work, I took myself out to the cinema to see "Guardians of the Galaxy". (I’ll take any chance to post a picture of Chris Pratt) I had spent the summer of 2014 growing increasingly disenchanted with the gay social networking sights... Grindr, Growlr and Scruff. The local prospects were shallow, closet cases or both. As I sat waiting for the previews to begin, I decided to delete them and take a break from 'putting myself out there'. I noticed a new face on Growlr... a handsome black man... tall (6'6") and about ten years younger than I. He said he was new to the area and seemed to be equally disenchanted with the local prospects. We chatted through the movie and agreed to meet for a drink afterwards. We chatted over drinks and things progressed from there.
I promised myself I wouldn’t make the mistakes of the past, something that I have felt has sabotaged other attempts at a relationship. Mistake #1… he moved in really soon. We joked that he was a hook-up that never left. There were red flags and I was honest when they would come up. The biggest ones were a lovely combination of self-pity and paranoia/jealousy. As my regular readers and people who know me in the real world, I enjoy people watching… especially guys who look like Chris Pratt. The paranoia/jealousy would rear its ugly head whenever he felt I was looking at a guy. He made me explain how I knew everyone on my friends list on Facebook. He made a fool of himself by responding to a text I received from a friend stating that he (the friend) was to stop contacting me because I was taken. He had no concept of the idea that two gay men could be friends without it turning into an orgy. He would get pissy at the pub when I would look at people. Granted, occasionally I would see someone who caught my eye… but mostly it was someone I knew from the community. I have lived here nine of the last 12 years.
We were together for three months, confrontations got better. But mostly I just got better at masking my wandering eye. By the way… let the record show that I never cheated on him. Never gave him any reason to believe I would… but there it was paranoia/jealousy.
The final straw was that none of my kids liked him. They saw him as a perpetual victim who judged them for their thoughts and feelings as well. My oldest daughter, who lives here too, spent a lot of time at friends house because she just couldn’t deal with him. She wanted to tell him how it was… but she didn’t for the sake of family harmony. The big one was when word came to me that he had flipped off my son’s girlfriend. He didn’t know it was her (which actually makes matters worse), but who does that? Flips off a teenaged girl on a residential street in a small town?
The hard part is that he still lives here.. I’ve told him he needed to be out by December 1st, but he played my soft heart and the holiday season. God, I hope this doesn’t last long. I’m being very forthright with my intentions. I fear the emotional manipulation will get thick.
Once I get his ass out of my house… it will be a LONG time before I step in the relationship pile of shit again.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

A Quick Update

I knew it has been a while since my last post, I just didn't realize how long.

Shortly after that last post, I was offered a promotion to a supervisory position at work. It has been quite a learning curve and there have been many challenges. I was talking to a colleague on Friday; she said that she has been impressed by how determined I have been to be successful in this position. Mainly I just want to prove to myself, and my mentor that I was the right choice for the job. I've always believed that the more frightening the prospect, the more worthy the accomplishment.

The new position is stationed in a town 30 miles from where I had been living the past three years. I spent a little over a month commuting, before moving in August. I enjoy being back in Pendleton. There is much more to life here... good music, good beer... good people.

Two weeks after I moved, I met a guy. We hit it off right away and have had a lot of fun. It's been three months, but there are things that make me doubt the prospects of the relationship lasting into the new year. That's all I'm going to say about it right now...

My weightloss journey has stalled... I haven't been to the gym for three months (one of the "issues" I alluded to in the previous paragraph has prevented it). The good news is that I haven't gained back anything significant. Calling it a stall is appropriate. On a positive note, October 28th was the one year surgi-versary. I can still say that I weigh 127 lbs less than I did one year ago.

If you're still reading this... thank you.

Stand by... there should be more to say soon.

Saturday, June 14, 2014


It is PRIDE weekend in Portland… I’m missing it this year. But my heart is there in spirit.

Bear Pride


gandalf-the-gay1. Tell me about your first Pride.

* My first pride was Portland 2012. I had this idea that PRIDE would be an assembly of gays celebrating who we are in a world that wants us to sit down and shut up. What I found was that there is as much judgment and hate amongst the gays as there is in the world at large. I had my fill of that when I was closeted, I didn’t go through the pain and loss of coming out just to be hated on by members of the gay community. Some very good friends took me to my first pride, they were my guides on what to see and how to find your own groove in a very diverse community.. and how to spot and avoid the mean girls.

2. What did that first Pride mean to you?

* Living in a rural area I had only seen PRIDE parades and festivals on the TV machine. Which meant I had a notion that it was a bit more fabulous and over the top than it actually was. I was surprised that the parade had more church/faith groups than bars, dykes on bikes or floats. That part still resonates with me, midco pridehow much certain brands of the faith community are so willing to show their acceptance and understanding of the pain the church has inflicted, they will miss their own Sunday morning services to walk in a PRIDE parade.

3. How many different Prides have you been to?

* Two – Portland and TriCities, WA. Since I’m not able to go to Portland Pride this year, I’ll be hitting Mid-Columbia Pride next month.

4. Do you fly the Pride Flag and/or stick it to anything?

* I have a Bear Pride window cling on the Subie and I have a full-sized Bear Pride flag, but since I live in an apartment, there’s really no place to hang it other than in my window.

5. Do you still celebrate Pride? What does it mean to you now?

*1593 I’ve been “out” just five years. I think that the spirit of PRIDE is something you celebrate every day that you don’t let the ignorant homophobes of our society drag you down.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter” –Dr. Seuss.

6. Does Pride need improving? If so, what changes would you make?

* I haven’t thought of it.        My next tattoo, or something like it  --->

7. How do you give back?

* I talk to others who are still closeted, giving them an ear, offering some advice from someone who’s been there. I also have done volunteer work for a non-profit assisting those living with HIV and educating others so they practice safer sex. dax


What kind of trouble or embarrassing moment have you had during Pride?

* Nothing to debaucherous… yet.

I did fall into the trap of spending too much money on the sexy stripper boys at Silverado. It’s fun in the moment, but filled with regret later because I could have used that $$ for something useful. But.. .in the moment… it’s hella FUN! (This boy is a bit too skinny but his muscles felt nice… and he let me wrap a unit of paper currency around his rather ample cock.)


**Check out Sean the author of TMI Questions and check out some of the other participants (in sidebar)

Friday, June 6, 2014

Happy PRIDE Month

It has been five years since I began to live the Shakespearian mantra, “To thine own self be true”. It’s not always easy; sometimes you start to think it would be easy to be just as others expect you to be. Life is better today than it was then, and it will continue to get better. Be who you are… be true to yourself… and, as a show of PRIDE… be there for someone who is struggling to ‘be true’.


After last years lack luster participation in the PRIDE CHALLENGE, I thought I would give it a rest this year, but with all that has happened since then, I am throwing it out there again.  Please take the picture above and post it on your blog, Facebook, Instagram, or any other social media and link it to me or message me, so I can recognize those who participate.  We have had a huge movement in the last 12 months in favor of equal rights and marriage equality across the country and this picture I took years ago, I think, brings it all together.  We have Pride, and we are Americans and we can live together as a country.  Regardless of religious beliefs, we all know people that we love who may not like the LGBT lifestyle, but love their family who may be a part of our community. So many things have happened in so many states and courts in the past year, we need to really celebrate this June's Pride Month.  If you post the picture or see it somewhere, please let me know and I will link it to this post as it will be at the top of my blog for the month of June. When I first did this many years ago, I had over 100 people post the picture.  This year, please help me make it 1000.  Whether it be Facebook or some other social media... let me know so I can recognize and add to the list on a daily basis with a link or without a link.... Show me who is supporting this massive movement across the country this year... speak out and I will link to you and also, if you have your own Pride Picture, I will post it, just send it to me. 2014 is our year... let's make it a great one!!!  Thank you for your support over the years!!!  We are getting there....

Those who have posted and shown support (so far)t:
1: Mrs. Richardson on her Facebook, Pintrest and Twitter-Thank You!!
2: Mac at Yummy of the Day
3: Anne Marie in Philly (hugs my dear) at From My Brain to My Mouth
4: Jay in Virginia
5: Nicheva on blog and tumbler
6: Sean at Idle Eyes (smooches my friend)
7: Java at My Life or Something Like It
8: Helen over at Eclectic Potted Histories
9: The Cajun
10: Robert at Welcome to the Middle Ages
11: Buddy Bear (grrrrr)
12: Sean over at Sean the Jeep Guy  (also posted on his other websites and social media... Smooches)
13: Mark Harshbarger on his Facebook page and over at his blog
14: Urspo at Spo-Reflections
15: Erick Rubright at Gambrinous with Griffonage
16: Upton King