Friday, December 30, 2011

2011: Lessons Learned

new year 2011 (21)I have been really down on 2011. I feel I have a good reasons. With the curtain coming down on the year, I’m realizing it is easier for me to blame external circumstances for the ‘stuff’ in life. It’s my “Default Position” if you will. I want to blame the stuff in life for disappointments. I want to point at someone and say it’s his/her fault that I suffered this misfortune. My “default position” became just that because It’s easier to be the victim. It’s easier to have people feel sorry for you and it’s certainly easier to let others to come to the rescue.

A friend recently told me that we make our own mojo. If I continue to move through life with a default position of negativity, then that’s where my mojo will be. In 2011, I survived the long overdue death of my first post-divorce relationship. Just like my marriage, I can point to an event long before the plug was finally pulled when the relationship died. I made excuses for why he was never home or able to make it to social events. Oh I am certainly not blameless; I did some things that I am not proud of. Yet, it took me almost two years of making excuses and waiting for some promise that was never going to occur before I grew a set and said no more.

I learned many lessons from the failure this relationship.

  1. Value – I felt that I am damaged goods like the ugly shirt at Walmart that keeps getting marked down. I felt that I should feel lucky that he was giving me the time of day at all. I felt I should just keep marking down my standards because who else would want me? I learned that I have value. There is someone out there who will cherish me for who I am.
  2. Money – Let me give you a bit of advice, don’t mix money. No matter how much that person says they love you and are committed to you forever and ever. I signed papers on a nice SUV while he batted his eyes at me in the dealership showroom and said he wasn’t going anywhere. That SUV was repossessed in 2011. I finally had to declare bankruptcy in 2011. I have spent a good chunk of 2011 without transportation because of the words “TRUST ME”. The lesson learned is this… What’s yours is yours... and mine is mine. We split living expenses, but don't share checking accounts or credit cards. I will never again allow someone else to have unfettered access to my bank account. If he doesn’t pay his share of the expenses, I will assume he has found someplace else to live. I will even help him out by placing his belongings out on the sidewalk… just like I did with his stuff in 2011.
  3. Trust – I wasn’t only burned by misplaced trust in a significant other, I was burned badly by misplaced trust in people who told me they were helping me out in my time of need. The lesson learned here is quite simple, if someone is offering you a kindness… why? What is in it for them? My goal for 2012 is to do things myself. Self-sufficiency will be the hallmark for the new year.

In just over 24 hours a shiny happy new year will be ours… a blank page waiting to receive the marks which will make it memorable. One of my goals for 2012 is simple… Don’t Fuck it Up!

2012_happy_new_year-wide

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