Friday, December 28, 2012

Police Blotter: 12/28/2012

I’ve been house-sitting the last couple weeks in a beautiful home with many comforts. What it doesn’t have is decent connectivity. I’m talking two bars at it’s best. It’s like being stuck in 1998… making living in the connected world of 2012 rather difficult. Fortunately, they will be back from the Cayman’s tomorrow and I’ll be back in my tiny apartment with a blazing fast connection to the internets.


It’s time for another installment of the Police Blotter where we take a peek at the calls that kept the men in blue busy over the holiday.

  • Someone stole a chainsaw and a gas can from the Seventh Day Adventist Church. – We didn’t have a tree… I got a tree… Problem solved.
  • Someone painted the word “REVENGE” on a shed. The caller told police this could be an issue with relatives. – Uncle Lou takes the annual Christmas Eve game of Pictionary VERY seriously.
  • A woman called police to report her 16-year old daughter is threatening her. The daughter got on the phone and reported that Mom was drunk and causing problems. – Well, Merry Goddammed Christmas!
  • A railroad employee reported someone had stolen a solar panel from railroad property. – Best white elephant gift ever!
  • A woman called to report that a man had threatened her with a gun and damaged property at a local tavern at 10:25am.  -- I think the time of day is key here. The guy was already so fed up with the family that he was at a bar, brandishing weapons at 10:30am.
  • Police received a call reporting that a man in a Chevy Blazer was harassing a woman walking along the road. – He wasn’t harassing her. He was begging her to get back in the car after he let slip that he thought her family was a bunch of ignorant rednecks and her sister was a stupid cow. **not that this has ever happened to me**

That’s a look at a few of the reports that kept the Po-Po busy during this season of cheer.


  1. Too funny! The 10:30AM bar thing made me chuckle.

  2. I need to start reading the police blotter in our local paper. Reading your highlights is just too funny, and considering I live near what could be considered the absolute worst place on Earth (Scranton, PA, as per SNL's Jason Sudeikis portraying then-Sen. Biden), I'm sure our blotter contains some doozies.