Surgery Eve

24-hours from right now, I will be going through pre-op procedures at the hospital in Portland, OR. It has been quite a journey to get to this point. This is my second attempt at this, in 2010 I failed to meet the pre-clearance requirements. But letting three years of water flow under the bridge as I tried to make changes in my life to become more healthy and happy with my appearance motivated me to give it a try in 2013.

So here I am. I’m nervous about the idea of re-plumbing my digestive system. I’m anxious about the 0.1% chance that something could go wrong. But mostly I’m hungry… watching football on this fine Sunday doesn’t help, with the pizza ads making me think of this great pizza place in McMinnville, Mikey’s Pizzaria… pictured is 1/2 Blue Buffalo (onion rings) and 1/2 Lumberjack (jo-jo’s)… gastronomic perfection.

Mainly I’m thinking about whether this is going to be the tool for which I’ve been searching for 25 years. In the past I have successfully lost weight. one time up to150 lbs. (pictured). But without the restriction on emotional eating, it would all come back… with friends.

I must learn to eat small… eat healthy in order to accomplish and maintain health and sexiness.

Some say this is a cop out… if only you would push away from the table, if only you would move more… you will accomplish this goal. I feel like a failure in this area, just like I did when I failed to pray the gay away. If you would just have more faith… if you would just pray more… oh and my favorite… God doesn’t give us challenges we can’t handle.

NEWSFLASH… you cannot will yourself straight and some people cannot will themselves thin… at least not for very long. 

See you on the other side.

Saturday 9: If It Makes You Happy

Sheryl Crow is a breast cancer survivor and October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please spread the word about early detection.

Saturday 9: If It Makes You Happy

1. What's something that always makes you happy?
   -- Seeing a client making positive steps to overcome addiction and move their life in a positive direction. .
2. In the lyrics, Sheryl refers to a poncho. How do you usually protect yourself from the rain? Poncho? Umbrella? Raincoat? Hat?
   -- I’m an Oregonian, it has to be raining pretty hard to require anything more than a hoodie.
3. Early in her career, Sheryl made ends meet by singing commercial jingles, including one for McDonald's. When was the last time you visited The Golden Arches?
   -- A trip to Mickey D’s was one of my “last supper” choices last week before gastric bypass surgery. I have been eating healthily long enough that it made me sick. I guess aversion therapy has some merit.
4. Sheryl rode a horse into the ring of a Wyoming rodeo and then sang. Have you ever been to a rodeo?
   -- Yes, many times.
5. Sheryl lives outside of Nashville, which is known as Music City. What type of music do you listen to most often?
   -- I listen to most all types of music, but Classic Rock is the clear winner in the iTunes play count.
6. Crazy Sam (author of this meme) is a massive Sheryl Crow fan, and is sure that the only reason why she and Sheryl aren't best friends is that they haven't met. What famous person do you think could be your BFF?
   -- Neil Patrick Harris… I think we’d have lots of laughs and great conversations.
7. Sheryl and cyclist Lance Armstrong were once engaged. Had they tied the knot, she would have become stepmother to his three children. Are you a step-parent, stepsibling or stepchild?
   -- No
8. Sheryl has performed carols at the National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony in Washington DC. Have you ever visited our nation's capital?
   -- No… but it’s on my Bucket List.
9. Do you consider yourself easy going or do you have a fiery temperament?
   -- Generally, I’m pretty easy going, but I can get a bit emotional. Not in a breaking things and yelling sort of way, but you will know that I’m displeased.

Can You Help a Brother Out?

I have spent much of the day on the phone with people from various aspects of the surgery in Portland on Monday. I had my “last supper” last nights and I am into a liquid only diet for the weekend. One of the aspects I dealt with today was the financial one. I figured it would work itself out, and it will, but I am still under court ordered poverty. That is what I call the hit my paycheck takes each month to keep my ex from descending into the hell she deserves.

I have worked out a payment plan with the doctors/surgeons/anesthesiologists and the hospital that has pleased them, but any relief you my humble reader can offer would be greatly appreciated. Please click the link in the sidebar.

TMI Thursday: Does Size Matter?

DOES SIZE MATTER?

• How big is your TV screen?
• 32”
• How big is your hard drive? Laptop or desktop?
• 300 gb – Laptop
• How big is your home? Is it too big or too small?
• 2 bdrm, 1 bath… 760 sq ft of luxury
• How big is your waistline? Is it too big or too small?
• WAAAAYYY too big… Gastric Bypass surgery on Monday. **Watch this space for progress to DAMN SEXY!
• How big are your pets?
• Cat sized
• How big is your car?
• Subaru Outback sized
• How big are your biceps?
• Not as big as they will be when I’m DAMN SEXY!
• How big is your ego?
• Not as big as it will be when I’m DAMN SEXY!
• Who's currently the biggest ass?
• Boehner, Cantor, Cruz, McConnell… and every congressman who voted NO to fund the government… you choose.
• Who's currently the biggest loser?
• Members of congress who are so tone-deaf to the issues that matter to real Americans.
• How big is your bank account?
• I’m a State employed social worker… I play the lottery for investment purposes.
  

BONUS

You knew it was coming…

• How big is your sexual organ and is it big enough?
• It does the job … I’ve had no complaints
• How do you like your partner to be sized?
• Big enough to rock my world.  
• Can it be too big/small?
• Too small? Absolutely! Too big? I haven’t found that one yet.
• Does size really matter?
• Absolutely

T-Minus… One Week

One week from tonight, if everything goes according to schedule I will be in recovery from Gastric Bypass surgery.

In preparation for the big day, I was instructed to stop taking vitamins today and I need to stop the intake of caffeine sometime this week. I began tapering off today. I only had one 16 oz. mug of coffee with pumpkin spice creamer this morning. I expected a low grade dull headache… and I wasn’t disappointed. It is my plan to drink just one mug of coffee, instead of approximately 36 oz. per day by Friday. I’m told it will be months before I can have caffeine again (if ever). Some of the folks on the online support group said they started working coffee back in at about 2 months. In case you’re wondering why I have to stop caffeine, it dehydrates. Plus, my post-op stomach will hold approximately 2 oz. and filling it with coffee will make the race to avoid dehydration a bigger challenge.

Also on the calendar this week, going liquid. Beginning Friday morning, my diet must be totally liquid… water, protein drinks, Jell-O, milk and broth. The last time I will eat solid food with reckless abandon will be Thursday night.

I am anxious about having major, life altering surgery in six days. But I’m more anxious about being able to make it work. Oh… and NOT dying. That would be good.

Sunday Stealing: Random Randomness Pt. III

Previously on Rejected Reality … Part I … Part II

1. What room are you in?
   -- Living Room
2. Can you solve a Rubik’s cube?
   -- …with a hammer! .
3. Are you psychic in any way?
   -- Psychics are just good at reading human behavior… yes.
4. What star sign are you?
   -- Cancer
5. What's your favorite color?
   -- Blue
6. What's your lucky number?
   -- 42
7. Do you have any chores that should be done now?
   -- Not that I’m aware of, I’m waiting for Youngest to wake up so I can make breakfast. Sunday mornings are for pancakes.
8. Did you have a cherished childhood teddy bear or other toy?
   -- I had a Mr. Peanut doll (like the one pictured)
9. What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine?
   -- a bottle of Dasani.
10. What shoe size are you?
    -- 12.5
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
    -- 5
12. If you were prime minister/ruler of the world what laws would you make?
    --
13. If you were a super hero what powers would you have?
    -- The power to rectify wrongs for those who are powerless against the powerful.
14. and what would your hero name be?
    -- Mysterious Ways
15. and what outfit would you wear?
    -- I would be like The Lone Ranger. Wrongs would be righted; the recipients would be left wondering how it happened. Someone would say “something's just work out in mysterious ways”.
16. What was your last dream about?
    -- I generally don’t remember my dreams.
17. What would you do if you won the lottery?
    -- Start a foundation to fund social justice organizations, travel, do the work I want to do but can’t because of financial obligations to my children.
18. Would you like to build/design your own house?
    -- My dream home already exists.
19. Which form of public transport do you prefer?
    -- Light Rail
20. Can you juggle?
    -- Um… No

 

Saturday 9: Come to my Window

Melissa Etheridge is a breast cancer survivor and October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please spread the word about early detection.

1. This song is about a woman passionate about love and willing to pursue it, no matter what "they say." Are you fearless when it comes to public opinion? Or do you worry about what "they" think of you?
   -- Sadly, what other people say/think matters a lot to me. I’m trying to overcome that failing, but I believe I’m required to be honest in these things… it’s in the constitution… just ask Ted Cruz. He has met people who have actually read it… and that counts.
2. Melissa's father was a high school teacher. Tell us about a teacher who had an impact on you.
   -- A number of teachers had an impact on my life in various ways, but the teacher whom I credit for turning my life around and setting me on an unquenchable quest for knowledge is Mrs. Livingston. She showed me how to love literature, how to look at the world around me and ask “why?”, and how to think critically of the information offered.
3. Melissa won a Grammy for this song. If you won a major award, where would you display it?
   -- I’d put it on top of my file cabinet at work for people to see.
4. Which TV game show do you think you'd do better on -- The Price Is Right or Wheel of Fortune?
   -- Choosing between those two… Wheel of Fortune. Although, I would MUCH rather meet Drew Carey. I’m just bad at guessing the value of name brand products because I almost ALWAYS buy the store brand.
5. Are you neat and organized?
   -- VERY… don’t judge!
6. When was the last time you went more than a day without washing your hair?
   -- If I’m not planning on going out, I’ll skip a shower. But if I have to run to the store, I’ll jump in the shower. I REFUSE to be one of those peopleofwalmart people.
7. When you eat Chinese food, do you use chopsticks or a fork?
   -- Chopsticks
8. Are you a good cook?
   -- so the critics have said.
9. We're having a party in your honor! Would you prefer a costume party, a bowling party or a pool party?
   -- Bowling… its one of those things that is really fun, but you don’t do often enough so when your group does it, someone says “why don’t we do this more often?”.