Under Siege

There is only one item on my Christmas List... it is been there for so many years maybe it's not possible to acquire... it's Security.

I feel like I live in a constant state of stress, anxiety… under siege. There is a disaster is lurking in the mailbox, under the hood of the car or behind the next ring of the phone.

I've tried grasping at security in the comfort of a relationship. Allowing red flags to flutter like they are in a Category 5 Hurricane, sacrificing my identity and my mental health as I grasp for security.

During the month of December the siege expands to gift expectations... court ordered poverty doesn't help.... two weeks to payday... less than a quarter tank of gas... and $30 in the bank. Now you see why I wish I could wave a wand and fast forward to January 5th.